Marc's Reflection on Aikido & True Play

Entries from January 2011

Work could be fun

January 30th, 2011 · No Comments

Connecting.

Shared care.

Calming.

Stories of me, us, & now

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Painstakingly

January 30th, 2011 · No Comments

Is that really necessary?

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Ensemble

January 29th, 2011 · No Comments

Accept one’s self

Accept others through extension to sameness

Embrace the sacred earth, air, body–move as one

Move with extension directly into purpose and care

With another’s purpose and care

Playfully

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Blending

January 29th, 2011 · No Comments

I-I

Sameness

In motion

Flowing, Never pushing, Never pulling

Resonance

Two as one

Many as one

Together

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Practicing sameness

January 28th, 2011 · No Comments

Protecting.

From what?

Separating, isolating

Impossible!

Breath, relax, extend into

The true I-I.

Into true sameness.

Acceptance, of self.

That is the key move.
Then,

To practice.

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I-I, Sameness, a Larger Center

January 28th, 2011 · No Comments

Connection

Non-collision

Dancing

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Caffeine

January 28th, 2011 · No Comments

I dropped it

Two weeks ago

Caffeine is for thinking more

I am practicing being more from center

More connected

My thoughs are better when arising from center

From connection

Caffeine does not help

I have not missed it.

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Attention

January 27th, 2011 · No Comments

Embodied,

Not forced

Not thought.

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Mental?

January 27th, 2011 · No Comments

Is my work really mental, in my head?

Isn’t insight embodied, felt, experienced

Rather than something  Controlled

and Done from my head?

Isn’t most learning done with others

In a state of blending, connection, listening

Not THINKING or DOING?

What have I been thinking/doing all of these years?

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Tension, rigidity, unhappiness

January 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

I have become very aware of the tension in my shoulders, back, and chest. I can let it go, each time.
I now understand that this reaction makes no sense, is the source of unhappiness, in some way it is actually the unhappiness itself.
I get nothing at all from this practice! It makes everything worse.
Let it go.

It is my holding on to my past (even its repression) which shows up as tension.
How truly bizarre.

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Flight

January 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

To escape what?

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Perfection?

January 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

Being perfect?

No visible mistakes, top of the class
leads to hiding & disconnection,
self punishment,
ultimately some kind of annihilation.

Perfect being?

Supported
by care,
by gravity,
by the environment,
by breathing,
by others

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Is it play?

January 22nd, 2011 · No Comments

If my intention and actions are not playful, then what are they?

Hurried?
Forceful?
Pushy?
Anxious?
Disconnected?
Frightening?

Isn’t TRUE PLAY the best way to

experience the world,
get things done,
connect with others?

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From reaction to connection

January 18th, 2011 · No Comments

History : Startle, withdraw, plan, … From anxiety with intellect.

Practice : Notice, accept, sense and respond center to center, I – I, with playfulness.

Even noticing the startle chain reaction, playfully.

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Cadence, rhythm, beat

January 16th, 2011 · No Comments

Move at a cadence of connection. Nothing generative happens when you move faster. That is pushing, pulling, or holding.

Novices move at a slower cadence. ( That would be me!)

Accept this. It is a big part of blending. It must be safe enough for playful learning.

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Vertical & horizontal

January 16th, 2011 · No Comments

Vertical–present with, connected, timeless, unfolding

Horizontal–anticipating through fear and worry (history), with tension, control, avoidance

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Fueling with fear

January 16th, 2011 · No Comments

To some extent I have used anxiety and tension to get myself to prioritize and act. I create a dam of resistance and avoidance which backs up enough anxiety and self loathing to break through into a flood of “productive” action.

I perfected this in college, cramming for finals in some courses. The tension made it “easy” to finally engage. In the courses that were interesting, I did connect and flow and generally had no work to do for the final exam.

This pattern is pretty much the opposite of acceptance and flow. I have used self generated fear to drive myself. This method must have effects on everything and everyone around me. It is very much a form of disconnection, withdrawing, and then pushing.

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Extension, from You (Ground) to You (Center) to You (Other)

January 15th, 2011 · No Comments

And from You (Other) to You (Center) to You (Ground)

Extension. True play. Joy.

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From holding to flowing

January 15th, 2011 · No Comments

Holding on and holding back = Fear

Flow with safety and integrity = True play = Joy

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Get big

January 15th, 2011 · No Comments

Attention, as big as what you care about. Includes what you connect with.

For the sake of connection, being with, being part of, “sameness”.

From Center.

Includes others as “sameness”. Truly, what they are attending to, what they are planning, when they begin to move, how they are moving.

Includes lines, ground, tempo, — all sensed through center, precisely.

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Exhale

January 15th, 2011 · No Comments

Holding breath is off center and fearful. Prevents extension and flow.

Breath into belly, supports center.

Exhale from belly, supports extension and flow.

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Falling and turning

January 15th, 2011 · No Comments

Sensing from the head and chest. Rising up? Against? Or in defense?

Sensing from center.

Recognizing connection.

Falling with gravity, with the flow of the situation, beside the other person’s line, precisely

Turing around center.

Staying connected.

Gravity, connection, & motion => Flow

One hundred times from my head–dissonance.

One time from center, connected–simply beautiful.

Practice.

Practice awareness from center, with heart and head in tune.

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Extension or introversion

January 10th, 2011 · No Comments

When charged, what happens?

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Training, practice, awareness

January 9th, 2011 · No Comments

Practice
awareness, breathing,
awareness, tensions,
awareness, breathing,
awareness, acceptance,
awareness, breathing,
awareness, relaxation,
awareness, breathing,
awareness, supple spine,
awareness, breathing,
awareness, extension,
awareness, breathing, connection, breathing, flow;
again and again a hundred times a day.

Awareness is presence, the rest is practice.

Breathing is core to awareness, acceptance and practice.

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Move through the origin of fear

January 9th, 2011 · No Comments

Find the small fearful "self" and come out the back side into the whole, including, not excluding, the small fearful nodule which is then experienced NOT TO BE SELF but an impostor of sorts–a dark magician.

Acceptance of the small nodule of fear, with gratitude that it is so small. Extend around it, back into the playful space with others.

Get as big as the moment, the situation, the environment, my reactions, your reactions, your care, my care, our care.

Accept all with gratitude, through center, through breath, through supple spine, through extension, in fact this is extension, this whole thing is extension, extending.

Play in this whole space in this moment.

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All connection is physical, embodied in this moment

January 9th, 2011 · No Comments

There is a real world.

One moves in this world.

One experiences this world.

Then one reacts. (one can react before experience).

The reactions are either acceptance/staying/flowing/connecting/and perhaps blending

…or fearful aggression or fearful withdrawal–pushing or pulling.

The acceptance staying from center/flowing/blending are present, "physical", coherent; generally "playful" and enjoyable.

The fearful choice is non-present, non-staying, non-flowing, non-blending, abstract, and incoherent; generally awkward and painful.

That is a heck of a choice.

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Heart to hara?

January 9th, 2011 · No Comments

Heart to head I get.

Head to heart I get.

Heart to center (hara)?

Clueless!

…Maybe that was open ocean sailing?

Emotion that connected with the ocean and the night sky’s peek into the cosmos, with felt rather than thought implications and meaning?

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Bad behavior?

January 8th, 2011 · No Comments

In a world of pushing, holding and withdrawing, what is the middle way? What is the practice of acceptance and blending?

If not pushing, if not holding, if not withdrawing, then what?

There must be a non-collision course, a subtle move out of harm’s way, and a continuing connection that is not pushing, holding, or withdrawing–that is flowing with the other’s energy and momentum. Experiencing the other as same, as connected oneness

To do this one must remain grounded, without fear and attachment. This comes from a larger space than heart and mind. It can only come from oneness, sameness, "compassion" which is not empathy, rather universality, wholeness, total lack of narrowness.

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Respect

January 7th, 2011 · No Comments

Not pushing, not pulling, not trying to dominate nor avoid. Knowing one another’s cares and moving with them, not against, not away from, but together. Connecting and reconnecting.

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Moving from & to center

January 7th, 2011 · No Comments

Moment to moment, presently, without language, sense from center, stay with center, come back again and again to center. Connect to center from center. Over and over.

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Kernel of fear

January 2nd, 2011 · No Comments

Fear has a way of puffing itself up.

This slight of hand is given it’s power when we loose track of the small, simple starting point. Some small past pain gains the upper hand when we wish to avoid a reoccurance in the future AND we loose track of the total felt sense of that initial psychic "injury"–often just a discomfort.

The untethered event becomes a fear which then commands life and death emotions and reactions, really disturbing our lives. Disconnecting us from life. Fear is disconnection. It lives in the horizontal, dispersed way of being.

A useful practice: Find the small original kernel, stay with it, reacquaint. Let it return to the size of an event. That is much better, almost laughable. Nearly enjoyable. Certainly a relief!

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Two ways of being

January 1st, 2011 · No Comments

Fear or Joy

Fear: Autonomic nervous system for fight (push back) or flight (pull away). Fear–narrow focus, tense muscles; unable to "fall" where needed with no delay.

Joy: Parasympathetic nervous system for staying where you are, connecting, relaxation, rejuvenation, adaptation, growth, change. Joy–broad open focus, relaxed body, able to stay with whatever arises

Each is a practice. In the beginning a set of practices.

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